Dogs of Dustlandia Update

We like to think of our property as a benevolent monarchy. My husband Dusty has proclaimed himself king, calling it the kingdom of Dustlandia. There is much whimsy and storytelling here, mostly revolving around our unruly pack of dogs. Not a pedigree among them, they are Ozark Mountain Mutts. We spend a lot of time imagining their vocal tones and conversations.

The dogs of Dustlandia like to discuss current events. At the last meeting, a very puzzled RJ turned to Angus and asked “What’s that over-there place? People go there every day. My bark is tired but they keep coming back.”

Stoic as he stared in the direction of the banging noises, Angus declared that he had heard the humans discussing it for years. “I think they will be moving out soon and leaving us here to fend for ourselves. Dad is always telling us we need to get jobs.”

Ellie Mae let out a yapping giggle and said “Angus, you’re such a grump! They would never leave us here alone. I’ve seen the over-there place. It is strange and smells funny, but we are not going to be abandoned. We’re all going to live there!”

Always the philosopher, Patches chimed in. “Bruh, I was thinking about that rainbow bridge that we keep hearing about and thought maybe they were building one over there so we could go see Layla, Skorchie, and Ike. I miss them dudes. I want to know the rest of them that came before us too. I hear Riley was the best dog that ever lived, and Mom says I’m a whole lot like him, so he must have been cool.”

“Oh that would be SO great!” Nala exclaimed. “I need to thank Layla for teaching me how to jingle the bell on the door. It makes them come open it. She said that sometimes when she was bored or feeling spicy she would jingle it a bunch, then lay down when they got there. She just wanted to see how many times she could make them get up. They are well-trained humans so they did it a lot. She said she invented the obstacle course game too, she called it the dogstacle game. You know, the one where we lie down everywhere they walk and they have to get over and around us? I love that one, especially when they are carrying food. Layla is my spirit animal.”

Floki spoke up next. “I really miss Skorchie and her little old lady rants, she was so funny with her country cornbread sayings. When I first joined the pack, I was shy. She teased me and called me Fluffy Britches. I liked that, it made me feel fancy. I’d like to hang out with her some more.”

“Hey she did the same thing to me!” said RJ. “She called me and Nala Thunder Butt and Lightning. I have no idea why she cackled like an old hen and said it over and over. She was weird, but I loved her.”

Spuddy had been listening to the conversation, and after several minutes of pensive silence, he confirmed Ellie’s report. “I have been to the over-there place too. I have seen it, and it’s huge! Mom and Dad showed me all the rooms and said we would have a gazillion pillows to sleep on, and hidy-holes for all you fraidy dogs when it storms. We will have a new yard to play in with all new sticks!”

Exaggerations notwithstanding, Spuddy is mostly correct. The over-there place should be finished in time for the holidays.

The cats, Delmar and Effie, play an important role here as well.

Early one morning before daylight, I smelled the unmistakably strong scent of skunk. Dusty said, “I hope that’s not coming from the front porch.”

We have had raccoons ripping into everything. They are ruthless, and they have thumbs. They have carried off shiny stainless steel cat food bowls, opened a tightly sealed metal trash can and scattered birdseed everywhere. We set out live traps several times, which they outsmarted and were never caught. That night it was on the porch. You see where this is going…

We were horrified at the thought of an angry skunk being trapped by the front door.

With stealth and extreme caution, Dusty went out to check. Thankfully, he did not find a skunk, but poor Delmar was imprisoned and meowing loudly. We like to think he took one for the team. By sacrificing his own freedom, he ensured that no skunk removal was necessary. He was rewarded with extra food for his bravery.

Never a dull moment around here.

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Shelley Smith is a retired public school teacher living her best life in rural Stone County with her husband and a pack of rescue dogs. Write to her at shelleywritingonthewall@gmail.com.